R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
