Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
