I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
