i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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