oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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