Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
