You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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