fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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