So drunk its hurt
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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