he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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