Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
