i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
