and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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