return my video game
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
