YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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