A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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