I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
