I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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