# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
