if you like me you must not know who I am
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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