I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
