I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
