I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
