she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
