when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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