We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
