He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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