she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
