And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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