Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
