the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
