Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
