I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
