Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
