It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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