im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
