Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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