i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
