Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
