why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
