At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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