So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
