I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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