it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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