meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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