Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
