I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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