I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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