I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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