I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
