You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
