I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
