You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
