WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize