Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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