She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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