apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
