if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
