oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
