And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My penis needs a shock collar
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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