I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
