Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
