life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
