I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
