I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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