You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
