apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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