I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
