On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
