And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
