Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
