Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
