We won't sleep together?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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