Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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