My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
