I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
