after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
