Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
