that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Blood and glitter go together right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
