i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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